By Renee Joy || Photo from https://unsplash.com/photos/gVKmonDbotU
New day. Same pillows. Sixteen to be exact. Six residing underneath the bedspread. Ten on outer display.
Of those laying atop the covers, three come with a matching pair. The remaining four are singular in size, shape, and color.
And, although I know that the mathematical combination of their arrangements must have an end point, I confess I haven’t found it yet. Each morning my husband and I find new ways to display these pillows, albeit some more aesthetically pleasing than others.
Most mornings, the arrangements are uniform and complimentary. Others, not so much. It depends on the attention given when making the bed. On hurried days, the lumpy pillow casings, distorted angles and mismatched colors reveal our priorities.
In the past, this kind of disorder bothered me. A perfectionist deep down, all things needed to be orderly. Controlled. Perfect by the world’s standards. After all, someone might see. And what would they think of me and my mismatched pillows so symmetrically misaligned? These days, however, I’m learning to see the world differently.
I know. It’s a little bizarre to find a life lesson in a stockpile of pillows. Having sixteen pillows on your bed seems like that commercial about turning into our parents.
It could be my age, but I think these pillows have lessons to teach. One is that each day we wake with pretty much the same elements in our lives. Same body. Same family. Same location or vocation. Truth is, most of what we possess – in the physical and spiritual realm -- is the same.
And while we have little influence over what life brings us, we can control our response. We may not get to choose what plans God has in mind, but we do get a say in “how” we receive them. Our attitude determines our experience.
We can play it safe and stay in our rut, arranging the pillows in the same symmetrical, color-coded formation. We can also be like the children of Israel and complain about the manna God’s given us – same thing every day. Not appreciating what we have. Wishing for something new yet never taking steps to change.
But, what if we made a different choice today? Dug a little deeper and got to the root of our thinking?
We could ask ourselves why we believe the pillows must be the same every day. Why can’t an angle be off? Why must the sizes be aligned and why does it matter if the inside pillows show on the outside? What do we fear might happen?
Or, what’s hindering our attitude of gratitude? Why aren’t we grateful for the provision of our Heavenly Father? Why are we always seeking more? What do we think is missing?
Maybe we should stop looking at external factors to blame for our discontent and look within. What if we took those pillows that stay hidden beneath the covers and let them be exposed?
David says in Psalm 139:23-24, “Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.
See if there is any offensive way in me and lead me in the way everlasting.”
We can take a risk and allow God to shine His perfect light into the hidden chambers of our hearts. I for one can also stop critiquing the way my husband makes the bed and ask why it bothers me so much. Why can’t I throw caution to the wind and tradition in the trash and let the red checkered pillow lay next to the orange flowered one? Isn’t that how real life looks? Messy and sometimes out of color.
One thing for sure, the way my perfectionist insecurity makes my husband feel is just not right. So, it’s time for a change to happen -- in me. Because my relationship with him is more important than how the bed looks. (Especially since we’ll probably be the only ones to see it.)
Strange as it may sound, these pillows are teaching me. To be carefree yet do things in decency and order. To loosen up yet maintain focused excellence. To care more about the people in my life and my relationship with my Heavenly Father than the empty accolades or haunting shame from a barrage of false beliefs.
Today is a new day. I choose to let the pillows fall where they may. I choose to accept myself and others –imperfections and all -- because God’s ways are perfect, and His compassions do not fail. They are new every morning.
22 The Lord’s acts of mercy indeed do not end, for His compassions do not fail.
23 They are new every morning; Great is Your faithfulness. Lamentations 3:22-23
Prayer:
Heavenly Father, I thank you for the plans you have for me because I know they are for my good and for your glory. Your acts of mercy do not end, and your compassions never fail. For this I am profoundly grateful. Thank you for never giving up on me and never ceasing to pursue me with your love. I surrender to the work of your hands, recognizing you are the potter, and I am the clay. You are the artist, and I am your masterpiece. Search my heart. Shine the light of your purifying love into the hidden chambers I don’t know exist. Continue the work of transforming me into the beautiful image of Jesus, Only Jesus. It is in His Name I pray and receive. Amen.
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